Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Online Dating, Should We? More Food for Thought.

In response to R's online dating post last week, I thought I'd add my 2 cents... Mainly because last year I did actually sign up on one. Yep, I spent the money, filled in all the boxes and uploaded photos that I thought best reflects who I am.

OK, I didn't fill in ALL the boxes... One thing learnt from this experience is that I do not fit into drop down menus, or tick boxes for that matter, regardless of how many you can select.

Why did I sign up? Well, mainly ‘cause the whole love life train had turned into a bit of a rollercoaster and I guess I was trying to be proactive about it, you know, meet new people and stuff?

Echoing R's sentiment I would definitely ignore any stigma associated with online dating. Many of the connotations that are out there are archaic, hailing from the early days of the internet when you could literally be talking to a 3 eyed alien for all you know, but as R said, how we portray ourselves through technology and over the internet is a huge part of everyday life nower days, which makes it pretty easy to spot the phoneys (so long as you have a bit of common sense!).

Nevertheless, I concluded that maybe myself and online dating wasn't a match made in heaven. I gave it about a month, which arguably isn't a very long time but like dating generally, it is all about preference. For some, the idea of a blind date strikes the fear of god in them, I honestly don’t mind them, I figure that the worst that could happen on a blind date is that the person is awful and you have to fake an emergency phone call to get out of it.

But I guess that I just didn't really feel overly comfortable with Online Dating. Firstly, lets just all agree here, specifically when it comes to online dating, you may put in that you’re searching for a 6ft lawyer who is really into walks in the park and Woody Allen films*, but we all know that when we enter those desires into the search function we are still judging the results on a superficial “what do their faces look like?” level. Which is pretty much the opposite to the way that I work. I tend to make my judgements based on what people are actually like, it is a combination of their personality first and their face second, which determines if I find them attractive.

Anyway, once someone decides they like your face enough to click on your profile they get to your “About Me” section, and that was my second hurdle, I’m awful at writing about myself. I think I did about six attempts at my profile blurb, and I still think it was awful. But then, I realise that I am massively lacking in self-confidence on that front.

I think I just ran out of patience with the whole thing in the end. After exchanging messages over the course of a week with someone I still didn’t really know anything about them, or have any strong feelings about whether I would meet up with them or not. And I couldn't help comparing it to a situation of meeting them in pub or coffee shop where I would have been able to figure that out within the first 10 minutes.

But I don’t regret the whole experience, and for some people it works brilliantly. No joke of a lie, two of my friends, who are now engaged, met on a dating website. 
Recently I was asked if I thought there is one perfect person for each of us, a soulmate essentially, and I still don’t really know my answer to that one. What I do know is that it is pretty hard to find someone who you fit with, that makes you happy and is the person you would rather be with over anyone else. And whichever way you meet that person doesn't really matter.

So I guess I would say that it is a dating option, and it’s up to you to figure out if it suits you. At best it’s a great way to meet people (especially if you are in a new city) at worst it is a month of your life messaging people you don’t know and will never meet, about beer, excel spreadsheets and festivals at a bargain cost of £30.

J x

* A 6ft lawyer is an example… I’m not really fussed about jobs or height specifications and I am not overly enamoured by Woody Allen films, I do love a good park though.


  1. Completely echo your comment about not fitting into drop downs or tick boxes J. I used lovestruck.com for a long time until I finally decided that I couldn't be put into categories like that, I think it's a flawed system across the whole online dating world but at the end of the day; how do you match people if not for common traits and interests?

    The trouble is, I like fantasy films; but I don't like most of the kind of people who like fantasy films. I also like political dramas, but people interested in those TV shows would despise me. What gives?!

    1. Hey Bailee,
      I think it is the same as non online dating, it's about finding a enough common ground to figure out if you want to meet the person again. You're never going to find out what someone is like through dropdowns or tickboxes, and that is what makes it interesting!
      Thanks for the comment and checking out becomingraje!

      J x